Sometimes I wonder...
What do a stuffed baby tiger, a plastic spoon, a pair of dress up shoes, a magic wand, a mermaid Barbie, and a toy feeding dish have in common? Hell if I know, but I found them all in my bed this morning.
"NEVER!"
I was prepared for "NO!". In fact, I sort of got rather accustomed to it. Even thought I was doing a pretty good job handling it, and working my way around it and her. HA HA Ha. Fate and Destiny may be evil and cruel mistresses, but let me tell you, Payback is truly a bitch.
My dear, darling Bug, has been born with a drama gene that could surpass all of the Bitneys, Lindseys, and Parises of the world. Put together. She sings and dances her way through the day. All day. She sings about everything she does. It's like living in a preschool Opera. And this weekend she died in a very Shakespearan manner. Such drama.
But the "NEVER!" is going to kill me. Here's how it goes:
Me: Jess, i need to brush your hair now.
Jess: Mommy i need 4 minutes!
Me: You've had 4 minutes, it's time now. We need to get to school.
Jess: NO!.. NEVER! NEVER! ( with much dramatic inflection, followed by running to her room and slamming the door)
So. Um. Yeah. Insert any request that I have for her.
She'll be four on Friday. I am just so excited about the upcoming teenage years. Can I start the prescription for Valium now, please?
New Tricks
So, this whole toddler thing...not the joy it could be. All my excitement that she was learning new words and expressions and being able to communicate with us..remember that? Sort of getting dashed in the dirt. Now, truly, if sh just said "NO!" all the time like all the books and other parents warned about, I think i could handle that. But crossing her arms, and defiantly telling me "I don't want to...go away..I Jessica..I mean it!" is just a bit more than i can handle. And really, if it was only occassionally or even on ly once a day, I could probably see my way through it. However, she drops these phrases (usually all at once on me) just about every flipping time i try to get her to do anything. Getting up in the morning, getting dressed, going to daycare, getting in the car, anything at all. Oh, except seeing the fishes. No matter how obstinate the mmod, mention going to see fish and she is right on board.
Yeah, I got to right up the "things no one told me about toddlers" list. She's going on three, how much longer does demonic possesion last and can I get a "Get rid of demon" free card?
Bipolar Toddlers
Somedays I just can't get anything right. And Bug lets me know all about it. She screams, yells rants, shakes her finger, no ma'ms me, and crosses her arms. "I mean it mommy!". Now sometimes it is a funny spectle that I work hard to not laugh at. But most times it just frustrates me. Then I get mad because there I am , a grown woman, arguing with a 2 year old. And anytime a grown up actually argues with a child..well...the grown up has already lost. Sometimes she just wakes up in these moods. HAs a great big peice of grumpy pie for breakfast.
Of course, it goes without saying that whenever she is like this, Daddy can do no wrong.
Other days she is a delight. She is cheerful, giggly, happy, compliant, even darn near helpful. On these days she has had her happy juice before even waking up.
Bring on the juice and throw out the pie.
Nightmares
At what age do children really start to dream and have dreams or creative imaginations? I ask because last night the Bug started screaming and hollering bloddy murder about 1:30 in the morning. I went to her, breaking my own rule about trying to let her cry it out. But my lord...it sounded as if she was being tortured. I changed her diaper. It was a rather icky wet one. Then i bundled her in her blanky with her Kitty and her Scruffy. But she would not be comforted! She howled louder and louder. She was not even able to to start taking big gulping breaths until we left the room. She was then up for 2 hours. In the middle of the night! I finally just plunked her back in her bed and closed the door. She wailed for about 2 minutes and then was fast asleep; the covers pulled up over her head.
This is the second incident like this in two weeks.
Now my other nightmare is the terrible tantrums she throws at home. Oh how she screams and carries on. She's even been in time out as well as spanked for hitting me. Yes, I know by spanking her I'm not doing a real good job of enforcing the idea that we don't hit...but...I refuse to be hit and slapped and kicked at repeatedly.
I've gone terribly wrong in all my parenting skills and plans.
To quote a song by sheryl Crow : "No one said it would be easy...but no one said it would be this hard." Yep..sums up the whole parenthood thing rather easily.
So Smart
She has taken all of her woden puzzle pieces that are animal shapped and place them in her Noah's Arc.
She pretended to slice the wooden bread loaf that is held together by velcro.
She walks the edges of the park like she's on the balance beam in gymnastics.
She can unbuckle her car seat.
She says please and thank you and sometimes you're welcome mostl.y appropriately.
She knows that unasked for hugs evaporate mommy anger.
She lies still for daddy to change her diaper; even helping him by grabbing her ankles and pulling them to her ears.
All of these wonderful smarts and signs of intelligence, yet she won't sit on the potty and actually do anything. Golly, twos are great.
My Bad
Okay..so the kitchen was a hit. I should have stopped there. But nooooo...silly me I had to get little pretend foods to go in the kitchen. So she now has something like 60 individual little piece of plastic and wood that she can hand us. ALL. NIGHT. LONG.
She was so enthralled by this nes addition she didn't eat her dinner last night. She didn't want to play in the bath. she didn't want to watcha movie. She didn't want to read. She didn't want to climb all over me. Nope. None of it. All she wanted to do was hand David every little peice, have him give it back, and then repeat.
I can't wait until we start Barbies.
Age Makes a Difference
When your cute little two-month-old lays on her back and pulls her toes up to her mouth and smiles becuase she has discovered something new about her body, it's cute.
But when your two-YEAR-old lays on her back and pulls her toes up to her mouth and proceeds to rip off her toe nails with her teeth, make faces at you and say "Yuck!",..well..that's just not right.
When Your cute little newborn gives you a smile and you know it's because of gas, it's easy to still love him because it is unintentional.
But when your toddler squats and grunts and then smiles at you even though you were trying unsucessfully to get him to the potty before the diaper got full, it's just not as easy to not want to pick him up and shake him.
When that brand new bundle of joy cries out out night because he needs food, or a new diaper, or just reassurance, you give it lovingly, even if half asleep, because she needs you.
But when your small little person, who during the day insists on doing things all by herself, screams and crys out of anger and stubborness for you to do something or get something that she has proven over and over again that she can get by herself it's just hard to not yell and cry back.
I think all two year olds are neurotic with some definite psychotic tendencies.
"Be Happy!"
One of Bug's favorite gifts this holiday is a stuffed black cat that is very similar to the 19 yr old live black cat of mine that lives with my mom. BUg loves to play with Scruffy when we vist, so she immediatle name this cat Scruffy and started playing with her.
Last night in the kitchen, she was playing with the cat. She had it pressed down on the floor, all four legs spread. She was pressing its face into the floor and yelling , "Be Happy !! "
Some how it epitomized the whole press of the holidays to me.
How To Scare My Child
Dancing, singing snowmen....of any size.
Big jolly men in red suits.
"No!"
"It's bedtime"
Loosing the filthy pink kitty which is her favorite lovey.
Attempt to leave the house without a blanket.
Anounce that you will be changing her diaper.
She really truly does have her own little world. Luckily it does occassionally overlap with things in my world. She has her own language; which i am becoming frighteningly fluent in. She sees ghosts and talks to them..and calls them ghosts. She has an obsessive love for this once darling pink kitty..who now is sort of dingy mauve-grey....the one stuffed animal that specifically states on its tag " do not machiene wash".
So many wonderful things.
Can you tell I'm rather infatuated by this little bundle of bouncy non stop energy?
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