A Bug's World

The "BLAHs"

Do you ever just get in one of those moods where nothing really does it for you? When things are just blah and life seems to have lost all color and getting anything done seems to be a major effort?

Maybe it's becuase I'm big and round and roly-polyish right now. Maybe it's just the aftermath of Christmas. Maybe I'm just tired, or cycling thru my gray moods.

My Bug notices my moods -- which I have not yet decided if that is good or bad. She asks me if I'm happy, which makes me want to cry. She tells me to be happy, which makes me want to laugh. And then she crawls up in my lap, hugs me and tells me the she will make me happy. Such dangerous dynamics that I really don't want to have.

And the real bitch of it is - other than just being sort of physically miserable right now - I really shouldn't be unhappy about anything.

Yes, I know it's called depression and that there are medications for it. I've got my presecription filled.

I just wish happiness came easier or was at least a more natural state for me lately. What happened?

Just holiday/ end of pregnancy blahs I hope.

Things Done right

Lately, I've been sort of feeling like a lousy mom. Between the potty trianing, and not having any patience, and just generally feeling rather low, I sometimes forget to look at all the good things. And sometimes, reading other "mommy blogs", I can't help but compare my Bug to other's children. But really she is doing very well and David and I really are doing a better job with her than I let myself acknowledge. So here are few things that I have thought of that make me think that David and I have done at least something right with her :

1. She is usually polite. She says please and thank you and bless you.
2. She's usually very happy. She laughs and giggles and smiles quite a bit. Oh, and you should hear her play in the tub.
3. She likes to read her books and be read too.
4. She can play by herself and be very happy.
5. She uses her imagination and doesn't always need loads of toys.
6. She mothers and comforts her stuffed animals.
7. She gives hugs and kisses and will tell me not to be sad or not to cry.
8. She can tuck herself into bed when she gets tired.
9. She can put on her own shoes and pick out clothes she wants to wear.
10. She tells me she loves me without any promting and for no reason.

Yeah, she's a pretty great little kid and she is growing up just fine despite my worries or concerns.

Age Makes a Difference

When your cute little two-month-old lays on her back and pulls her toes up to her mouth and smiles becuase she has discovered something new about her body, it's cute.

But when your two-YEAR-old lays on her back and pulls her toes up to her mouth and proceeds to rip off her toe nails with her teeth, make faces at you and say "Yuck!",..well..that's just not right.

When Your cute little newborn gives you a smile and you know it's because of gas, it's easy to still love him because it is unintentional.

But when your toddler squats and grunts and then smiles at you even though you were trying unsucessfully to get him to the potty before the diaper got full, it's just not as easy to not want to pick him up and shake him.

When that brand new bundle of joy cries out out night because he needs food, or a new diaper, or just reassurance, you give it lovingly, even if half asleep, because she needs you.

But when your small little person, who during the day insists on doing things all by herself, screams and crys out of anger and stubborness for you to do something or get something that she has proven over and over again that she can get by herself it's just hard to not yell and cry back.

I think all two year olds are neurotic with some definite psychotic tendencies.

Should've Dones

There are things in our lives that "should" be done before or during Christmas. These are things I've known forever and forget every year.
1. Clean out the refridgerator BEFORE cooking a holiday meal.
2. Make sure to have trash bags for wrapping paper and big boxes.
3. Buy more milk then you ever think you will need BEFORE Christmas Eve
4. Never go to Walmart or anywhere near on Christmas Eve.
5. Buy booze..lots of booze..early.
6. Do dishes and clean the kitchen BEFORE you ever get started.
7. Then clean and clean as you go along.
8. Children's Nyquil is a necessity.

Notes to myself for next Christmas...but feel free to adopt any into your own Christmas Traditions.

I didn't do it this year, though I kept saying I was, but I truly think that from now on I'm going to make a Christmas Lasagna. Turkey and fixings is just a lot of work and I over stress myself. Yeah, next yesr it's going to be a lasagna.

Being Thankful

This year has been full of its' ups and downs to be sure. But overall, I can't really complain. No one in my family has the bird flu. We were not affected by Katrina, Ophelia, or Wilma. Not a one of us was abducted and left to rot in the woods. This is all good news and more than can be said for over a million people.

Add to that; I am healthy, have the ability for three meals a day plus snacks, more boots and PJs than any one body needs, a nice house, paid utilities and working cable modem. Can't even phathom the number of poor souls without those luxeries.

Now throw on top of that heaping pile of goodness, a husband who loves me in spite of my nagging and ungrateful attitude, and a darling child who hugs my neck and calls me her pretty even when I'm stomping mad and frustrated, a mother who calls just to chat that I like chatting with, a step-father who I'd claim anyday of the week, a brother who has become a pretty good friend (as well as drinking buddy when we can), in-laws I get along with, and a wealth of friends who I can call on whenever I need to B.S. or just a reminder how good off I really am.

Plus..yes there is more...I live at the BEACH! In a state where I'm considered highly educated, in a country where I can say pretty much what I please, worship what and who and whenever I choose, and can (now anyway since a change in the adminstrations' thinking) speak out against a war I think we shouldn't have started and not be called a traitor.

So..yeah..I guess it's a pretty good year.

Happy ThanksGiving to you all! Hug your children, tell your friends you love them and say thank you to your parents while they can still appreciate it.

It Must be the Two's

Now that she is two:

1. We have moods...often bad...for no known reason.
2. We have pencil scribbles on the wall.
3. Diapers are no longer desirable...in fact, she doesn't even like clothes.
4. "Momma momma momma momma" Can I get a name change?
5. "Milk" doesn't just mean milk any more...it can be anything in the kitchen and we get to play a guessing game that often leads to bad moods..all around.
6. No more pacifer...except for bed time.
7. Constant chatter...most unreconizable as English. Maybe part Klingon?
8. Throwing things and swinging things.
9. Extreme independence. In everything. I brought this on myself, i know mom.
10. Random affection...and this is what keeps two year olds alive I beleive.

Still working on that album...and will put up Halloween pics soon.

Learning

You know, there are several things about childbirth, children, and life in general that "THEY" never tell you about until it's to late to really change course. It's like some information isn't available until you reach the "Point of No Return".

Pregnancy
1) 9 months is an average. Not a rule, not a given. Some go early some go late. Deal with it.
2) It's not always a glorious glowing expierence. Some people are sick for the entire duration. Some people remain sick even after the pregnancy because it messes up the whole body chemistry. And despite what some new agey people say or any type of sensitivity training exsists...you as the woman are the one pregnant. It's all you, by yourself. This stuff about "we're pregnant" , "we're having a child"...not true. Until man has a womb and actually squeezes out or has another living being cut out of him only the woman is pregnant.
3) Enjoy pee-ing in the doctor's office during every visit. these will be the last times you get to use the bathroom in relative peace for at least 6 years. Maybe longer if you go to far into some views on child rearing.

Chilbirth
1) There will be pain.
2) Again, only the woman in labor is having the baby. Not the spouse, not the doctor, not the nurses, not even that sympathetic one who keeps trying to keep you calm and saying everything is okay or normal.
3)Your body will change and WILL NOT ever be completely the same. Even if you are one of the lucky ones and the only thing that changes is that you now wear size nine shoes instead of 8 1/2. Don't tell me that that is not a change.

Infants
1) Momma is the world. Daddy may be sensitive and may get up in the night and might even help and change diapers. But no matter what, he is not momma. No matter how much you may wish or pray that he could be...just for a day.
2) Digestive systems aren't fully formed for months later. If it goes in green or orange or even electric blue (thanks Fruitloops) it will come out that color smelling twice as bad as when it went in.
3) They do get older and things do change. However, the people who offer these types of encouraging words don't tell you that it may not necessarily be a change for the better.

Coming soon....a rant on toddlers if i can ever survive it and narrow it down to just three, maybe five, basic concepts.

I'm done for now.....my two yr old mistress is paging me through the intercom known as her vocal chords. I swear the child could be heard in a full stadium on opening night of football season.

The Secret to Pregnancy

Once upon a time, I thought getting pregnant was a pretty easy thing to do. I mean, heck, the sex talk they give you in fith/sixth grade makes it sound like if the boy looks at you crossed eyed for more than 3 seconds, motherhood is right around the corner.

But I have met more and more people who have difficulty getting pregnant and have to have doctor intervention. What really gets me though, are that these are good people who will make good parents.

And then there are the parents I work with as a volunteer Guardian ad Litem. These are cases I work with when the family has become involved with child protective services and the kids are removed from the home. Okay, some of the parents just get caught up in a cycle of poverty that is hard for them to get out of. Others...well...others just don't get it. And in this category are the mothers who all these women who have to get shots, and artificial insemination and in-vitro stuff really want to hang by their toe nails.

I'm talking about those women (some merely girls) who are uneducated, unemployed or underemployed, using drugs, living in shelters or basically flop houses, who end up pregnant just about every 10 months just becuase they got a wiff of testerone in the air.

It's just not fair.

Now, it's not like I'm looking or trying to get pregnant myself right now. I'm just really frustrated for friends that are.

Apparently, the secret to getting pregnant is crack cocaine. (Please note the heavy sarcasm.)